Sunny Spot

Monday, September 10, 2012

Post Traumatic Stress

Is it possible to have PTS for 11 years?  I ask because every year right before 9/11 I find that I am very agitated and anxious.  I know last year I posted about the same thing, but the day after and my recollection of the day.  Today I feel as if I should call in sick tomorrow and spend the day trying to shake this horrible feeling of doom and dread...but I know if I do that I will spend the day glued to the TV to watch the ceremonies.
Like I have said in the past, I did not lose anyone that day but of late I have encountered a few reminders of that day.  A few weeks back I read a book called "Love you, Mean it" written by 4 young women all who lost their husbands on 9/11...they all worked for Cantor Fitzgerald.  It was a bittersweet book and I cried more then I expected as I felt every pain they felt.  It wasn't on my "list" that day, it was a last minute biography pick up on my way to check out my books...I don't regret reading it, but it made my heart hurt to read it.  While reading this book I ran into an old school acquaintance at a concert 100 miles from home who was a first responder on 9/11 who is now a retired fireman due to medial issues.  He is married with twin 3 year old girls and I hope and pray that he is okay and lives to see those little girls grow up.  Then last night I sat down and watched Julie and Julia and was again reminded of the aftermath of 9/11 as Julie worked at a call center helping those with claims and questions.  I won't lie and say "it was just a movie" because it wasn't, she was a real person dealing with peoples hurt and anger and desperation and was able to turn that desperation she felt around when she cooked.  To that I can relate...when I have something to work out or am mad or upset I cook.  Much to the dismay of my family who end up having to eat more then they wanted and sometimes poorly executed new recipes.  But I digress....
My question still stands, is it possible to suffer from post traumatic stress 11 years later?  Is it hormonal for me because I was 7 months pregnant when this life changing event happened?  Is it survivors guilt?  Is it all of the above?  Does anyone else suffer the week before and after the way I do?
I will close here and wish everyone and safe and happy 9/10  XXXOOO

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